MLB commisioner Bud Selig will have more to think about than how he can promote the MLB in Asia. After Tuesday’s All-Star game, it’s become painfully clear the MLB desperately needs a new third league.

The simple AL/NL combination will no longer suffice and a third “Crybaby” league needs to be added for the Yankees and Red Sox to play in. In this new league, the Yankees and Red Sox would only play each other all season long culminating in a yearly Boston vs. New York World Series and they would even have their own All-Star game with teams comprised of only Yankee and Red Sox players.

TV ratings will skyrocket because the fans can kill each other in the stands not unlike a UFC battle royale. Sticks, knives, shanks, handguns and even weapons of mass destruction will be allowed into Fenway Park and Yankee stadium for the ensuing battle between the catharticly faithful. In case of a tie, Hank Steinbrenner and John Henry will be forced into a duel of honor at 50 paces with the last man standing dictating the victor.

Under this new system, the rest of the teams in the MLB will no longer be subjected to harassment by those two teams’ ill-mannered fans, nor will the other teams be forced to compete with the ridiculous payrolls both teams throw down to capture a championship.

The feuding between the two teams has hit an all-time low with the immature Yankees fans booing Red Sox players as they were announced in Tuesday night’s All-Star game but that’s enough for another topic entirely. The Red Sox dominated the AL All-star team balloting and Boston’s seven players were the most of any AL team, not including the Red Sox manager Terry Francona in the dugout along with a half-dozen of their coaches in the dugout as well.

Yankees fans were not too happy about the presence of the Sox players and they made it known but let’s face it, Red Sox fans would probably do the same thing if the game had been held at Fenway and the AL dugout were stuffed with Yankees players and coaches.

I think somebody forgot to tell Yankees and Red Sox fans that baseball is a game. Sportsmanship both on and off the field is mandatory for MLB baseball players but the fans forget that they should also have some modicum of respect for the game as the players do.

All you true baseball fans out there reading this blog have to give me some credit for tossing these three topics together into a colossal linkbait mash-up of epic proportions and although these three topics I’m about to tie together seem unrelated, read on fearless baseball fans because today’s post is chock full of more sarcastic, cheeky yet clever innuendo and witticisms than you can shake an aluminum baseball bat at.

The Barry Bonds Witch Hunt

By now, everybody’s already heard about the Barry Bonds indictment and it’s being discussed ad nauseum on all the major news sites, forums and message boards. The readers of this blog and our loyal forum members should know by now how I feel about Barry Bonds and the alleged use of performance enhancing substances. I personally don’t care what althletes do to their bodies to boost their effectiveness, mainly because when I was in high school in the late 80’s, many of my teammates on the football and baseball squad were using anabolic steroids along with recreational drugs and consumption of mass quantities of alcohol. 99% of them ended up being washouts and many ended up in rehab, in treatment centers or in jail. In my opinion. the use of steroids or other performance enhancing substances is not a guarantee that a player will rise to the top and be a star like Barry Bonds is. There has to be an element of natural talent to propel an athelete to the level that Barry Bonds has achieved. Witch hunt’s have been out of style since the 1950’s and as the infamous 80’s punk rock band “The Minutemen” sang on their 1980 release Paranoid Time, in the song Joe McCarthy’s Ghost, Joe McCarthy’s DEAD and he should stay that way. The recent fascination with castigation and exploitative journalism is reminiscent of the mass hysteria created in the 50’s by dynamic duo of McCarthy and Roy Cohn, but we live in an ignorant society where most of the population fail to acknowledge the principle “those who fail to study the past are doomed to repeat it”.

The real scandal in the steroids “Witch Hunt” is that two money grubbing journalists, Mark Fainaru-Wada and Lance Williams, the San Francisco Chronicle reporters who authored the book Game of Shadows are sitting back counting the earnings from their book sales while tarnishing the reputation of the game of baseball. A reputation that has been struggling to regain it’s credibility since the infamous strike season when many fans gave up on America’s favorite pastime. When I think of dirt-digging weasels like Fainaru-Wada and Williams and what they’ve done to professional sports, I think of the epic scene at the end of the movie Casino where Joe Pesci’s character, Nicky Santoro, and his brother are graphically beaten with aluminum baseball bats in a corn field. You know the one I’m talking, if you don’t, below is the clip from YouTube (oh, and if you’re a fan of seeing Joe Pesci’s characters get whacked or beat down, you’ll love this article at Cracked.com - The 5 Most Magnificient Cinematic Beatings of Joe Pesci. Anyway, check this clip out. btw, isn’t that Phil Leotardo from The Soprano’s showing Pesci that there’s more uses for an aluminum bat than a little league game

A-Rod is a Brown Nose Bitch

You’ve got to give credit where credit is due. Alex Rodriguez is one of the best sluggers ever to stand in the batter’s box but for all he’s worth on the field of dreams, he’s worth a lot more off the field. A-Rod and his superstar agent-provocateur Scott Boras are reportedly seeking about $350 million over 10 years. The Dodgers had been interested in A-Rod early on, but that love affair seems to have waned in recent days. The California Angels general manager Tony Reagins stated that the Angels were interested in A-Rod, and while it was declined to confirm anything more than the club’s interest, it is questionable that the Angels would have offered Rodriguez more than the $81 million he would have made over the next three seasons had he not opted out of his contract.

If you want a serious laugh, you’ll have to check out the borderline illiterate Larry Dobrow’s article on CBSSports A-Rod’s new deal all about the little things, where this absolutely unprofessional journalist (and I use the term journalist loosely) makes numerous absolutely ignorant comments, followed by several other stupid remarks that paint a dreary portrait of the true Yankee fan as being incapable of writing above a fifth grade level. Here’s the most laughable quote from Mr. Dobrow’s post (hey, I wonder if he’s related to Kevin Dubrow, remember, the spandex clad freak who used to sing for Quiet Riot).

A-Rod is, now and forever, Hank Steinbrenner’s bitch. He might as well tattoo it on his forehead, because this save-face return to the Yankees will define him more than anything else in his undistinguished career — save maybe for the Central-Park-sunbathing incident, which launched many a Latino-cabana-boy fantasy among moneyed Manhattan mommies.

While I do agree that A-Rod is the New York Yankee’s fans and Steinbrenner family’s personal whipping boy, I would question anybody calling an athelete of A-Rod’s caliber a “bitch”. I do believe the amount of money he’s being paid to be the the “Biggest Brown Nose” in professional sports is ridiculous and the fact that the creepy Steinbrenners let Joe Torre walk over a few measley million dollars then come back to court the A-Rod deal. It just doesn’t make much sense, but then again, nothing about the Steinbrenners and the Yankees’ fans makes much sense to me in the first place. Come on feel the noise, girls rock your boys, we’ll get wild, wild, wild…

Joe Nuxhall Rounds Home for the Last Time

Finally, aside from all the grandstanding and sensationalism that’s injecting itself into Major League Baseball’s veins, today marks the passing of a true baseball hero and an overall outstanding gentleman. While most of the MLB community is too busy talking about Bonds and A-Rod, most are unaware of Joe Nuxhall, the youngest major leaguer ever at the tender age of 15 and later a beloved broadcaster, known as “the ol’ left-hander” in Cincinnati, has died. Nuxhall was hospitalized for treatment of pneumonia, awaiting surgery to insert a pacemaker, and had been slowed by a recurrence of cancer since September.

Originally brought up by Cincinnati to pitch during World War II while just out of junior high classes, Nuxhall worked more than six decades for the Reds. He continued to pitch batting practice into the 1980s and was a member of the team’s Hall of Fame. He was famous for his closing remarks to every broadcast “This is the old left hander rounding third and heading for home”.

Joe Nuxhall was 79 years old.

While all eyes are focused on slugger Barry Bonds and his quest to surpass Hank Aaron as the all time home run leader, two other power hitters are making a move up the list of all time home runs. The Associated Press reported that Toronto Blue Jays designated hitter Frank Thomas hit his 504th and 505th home runs of his career today. The two home rums moved him into 20th place, passing Eddie Murray on the all-time list. Thomas also had 4 RBI’s in the Blue Jays 9-5 victory over the struggling Texas Rangers on Saturday. Today also saw Alex Rodriguez become the youngest player in major league history to hit 500 home runs in the New York Yankees 16-8 victory over the Kansas City Royals. A-Rod’s 500th career home run came in his 1,855th game. Only two players took fewer games to reach 500: Mark McGwire (1,639) and Babe Ruth (1,740). Rodriguez leads the major leagues with 36 home runs this season, which is one more than he hit last year.